Preferred Perception

to create reality is life's purpose – lessons from Nowheim

CM & CCC Pivoting

 

Fifth Episode

CM changes her perception with the help of CCC

CM & CCC Pivoting

Signs

CM - CCC PivotingDo you ask somebody what’s wrong when he is obviously having some kind of health problem? CM’s and CCC’s friend Jerome didn’t look good at all and had been acting strangely for a while. CM felt so bad for him and wanted to show him support by asking. He would probably feel better if he could talk about it.  But CCC suggested that they’d wait till Jerome was ready to talk. He was not at all convinced that endlessly talking about a problem could bring relief. Searching medical or friendly advice was one thing, but rehashing the problem – especially with somebody who didn’t have any medical knowledge – was rather counterproductive. As with any kind of problem, commiserating with somebody helped neither person. 

So CM quietly did the exercises she had learned at the meditation class, imagined him healthy and mentally sent him healing wishes. While she calmed down and joined CCC in his wait-and-be-there-for-him-when-he-asks attitude, Jerome got worse. He decided it was time to go see a doctor. CM and CCC drove him to the emergency room. Of course, CM’s head buzzed with all kinds of fearful thoughts, but CCC was able to bring her back to reason. There was no point in imagining the worst at the time. The only important thing was to support their friend.

He was temporarily treated and discharged with a referral to a specialist. CM wondered on the way back what the diagnosis was but didn’t want to ask him. She remembered CCC’s advise not to ask until Jerome was ready to talk. The car was too noisy to have a conversation with somebody in the back seat anyway. So she speculated again, and CCC kept reminding her that the specialist was not an oncologist and they were not told to go see him right at this moment. They drove the patient home. CCC stayed with him while CM went to the drugstore. She took CCC’s words to heart and made an effort to feel positive about Jerome’s future. The weather was pleasant, and she walked back with the prescribed medicine and a swing in her step. While she was waiting at the traffic light, the light straight ahead turned green. So she decided to cross the street in that direction first. She had never paid attention to the small wall on the other side of the street. Now, she saw a white, wooden cross behind the wall. It was not one of those little crosses you often see at the side of a road to commemorate somebody who had gotten killed at that spot. The cross was waist high and wide, looked new and had the name JEROME written on it. CM tried very hard not to follow the thought that jumped into her head. Her mind raced; her heart pounded in her throat.

CCC opened the door and could see the state she was in. He had her sit down in the kitchen and took the medicine to the bedroom. Jerome was asleep, so they whispered in the kitchen. CM told CCC about the cross and that she was sure it was a sign.

“Yes, it was a sign, dear. But the sign was for you, not for Jerome. He didn’t see it; you saw it.”

“Are you saying I am going to die?”

“No, of course not. Think about it. What else could the message be?”

“I don’t know. My first thought was …”

“Exactly. The sign was reminding you that you were still fearing the worst in your heart. You have to let go of it.”

CM loved CCC for his steadfast attitude in any situation. He was always able to make her feel better and pull her out of her dark moods. She looked back at the cross in her mind and saw it crumble. She knew now that this had nothing to do with anybody but herself. She chose to interpret the collapse of the cross as a sign that she had pivoted as CCC liked to call it when she managed to change her perception. They put a glass of fresh water next to Jerome’s bed and tip toed to the front door. When they opened it, the wind blew the discharge paper off the credenza. CM picked it up and read the diagnosis. Jerome wasn’t going to die. What he had was treatable and curable.

More Signs

Jerome had surgery and recovered well. The problem seemed to be taken care of. They had found some suspicious looking tissue during the operation and sent a biopsy to the lab. CM was worried for Jerome, but he didn’t want to talk about it any further. So, she left it alone. CCC was able to distract her from pessimistic thoughts by telling her about people who had been diagnosed with the sort of cancer that was suspected in Jerome’s case. Unfortunately, the tests came back with devastating news. Even CCC allowed himself to cry for his friend. Tears can be helpful. They flush out adrenalin and help reduce momentary stress. CCC let it all out until he was able to shift from the situation at hand to options. While CM was hung up on the sadness of the news and spiraling down a path of fearful and hopeless thoughts, he tried to think of ways how he and CM could be supportive. He knew they had to accept the facts. Denial and anger wouldn’t make them go away. He promised Jerome that they’d be with him and make sure they’d have fun and enjoy things they had always enjoyed together. CM agreed but had to suppress feelings of guilt. How would she be able to laugh and have fun when she should feel sorry? Wouldn’t that come across as insensitive?

“Listen. This isn’t about you. I am not asking you to pretend. I am asking you to appreciate our friendship with Jerome and every moment we have with him.” CM knew he was right, but sometimes, it was hard not to take it personally when he wasn’t as chipper as he used to be. She constantly had to remind herself that this wasn’t about her own feelings. It hurt to see him suffer after his chemo sessions. How would she behave if she were in his shoes? She wanted him to get out of his lethargic mood and explore more options. CCC was a little more patient. He knew they had to accept the facts and respect his choices. Suggestions had to be offered very gently. Everybody was different. Nobody could really be sure what the best treatment would be in any particular case. Generally speaking, the treatment a person chooses for himself is the best as long as he chooses with conviction and keeps the outcome in focus.

Eventually CM accepted the facts too. Neither of them though was willing to give up hope. Even though the medical prognosis was grim, they kept the vision that everything was going to work out. There were countless documented cases where people with end-stage cancer turned it around and got cured. The book “Radical Remission” by Kelly A. Turner tells about changes people in 3000 such cases had made before they healed. Some of them were mentioned in every single one of the cases. Among others, they were a healthy diet, supplements, having moral and loving support, some kind of religious or spiritual attitude or even engagement, exercise and – most important – the decision to take action.

CM hated seeing Jerome so lethargic. Had he given up? He needed to develop a fighting spirit, take action. CCC had to calm her down, as so often. “He is in pain. Chemo is taking its toll on his body. What do you expect? Give him time. He will come around. Right now, he needs to gather strength and process the physical as well as the emotional changes. In the meantime, let’s continue with our vision for his recovery.” CM had been working hard to envision him healthy and enjoying life with his friends. But “working hard” wasn’t what was needed. CCC explained to her that she needed to find a way to expect rather than force the miracle. Accept the facts, respect his choices, detach from personal desires and expect a miracle sounded paradoxical to CM.

With every day passing after a chemo session, Jerome became more approachable again and felt better. He even asked them to make an appointment with a naturopath in town who specializes in cancer. They accompanied him to the appointment and learned a lot about the ways cancer works and can be healed. CCC was very pleased that Jerome was willing to listen. Even CM came out of the Natural Medicine Center with hopeful feelings. The miracle didn’t seem to be too unrealistic. Of course, she stumbled every time Jerome made a skeptical remark or complained about yet another side effect of the chemo. How could one let go of doubts in the face of this monster. Calling it something else such as klunks for example didn’t make the difference she had hoped for.

One day, CM and CCC went to feed their friends’ cat. When they turned onto the main street on their way back home, CCC slapped her on the shoulder. “Look! Look! There!” He pointed to the church on the other side of the street. “Read the words.”

“What words?”

“The words over the door. Over there, on the church.” He grinned and watched her face soften and then smiling while she read the words -first silently, then loud and with much emphasis:

“EXPECT A MIRACLE.”

“There is another sign for you.”

They went home and sat down to write the story how they wanted it to end, to write the story from the end. There was a little bit of arguing about how much of the facts needed to be part of the story. Obviously, it wasn’t going to be about klunks and drama – only as far as that was necessary to explain the situation. It was going to be about the three friends in the future looking back at the episode, laughing at it, being grateful for Jerome’s complete healing, their friendship, the resilience of the human body and the miracle of life. The introduction was short and to the point. Some of the mental and emotional shifts they had already experienced were mentioned. The end was a happy one, of course. They didn’t write any details down as to how the healing would take place. It was better to keep the end result in mind and leave the details to the universe. If they tried to work out too many details, they’d run the risk to not be able to see unexpected opportunities and solutions. They thought it better to stay vague and open to possibilities and solely focus and the happy ending, namely Jerome’s healing.